Did you know that your brain is wired to reinforce your habits and identity?
Your brain is designed to conserve energy for survival. It does this by creating biases. Biases allow you to quickly process new experiences by filtering them through the rules or habits your created from your past experiences. It is like you have a set of train tracks built for high speed trains— so that you can take fast action, which is not always necessarily the best action! It is just your default action.
This is why when you want to change, progress can feel slow. Your brain first needs cues to stop and then to change. It requires time and effort to switch or dismantle the old patterns to create new ones. Imagine the physical process of changing the destination of a high-speed train line— what high-level overview and planning would it take to build a new track to a better destination? How you would approach this forms the foundation of the same method needed to help your mind create its new path.
You’ve heard about the habit tip or intercepting old patterns with repeated, intentional new actions. But little is said about how deeply rooted, unprocessed emotions can sabotage this process and the importance of adopting a new identity and values first. Changing is as much about stopping old ways of thinking, feeling, and being as it is about doing new things. To truly move forward, you need to close the loops on old habits, emotions, identities, and stories.
The Science of Habits and Identity
Your brain is an incredible tool for change when you know how to use it, and to change effectively, it must interact with your nervous system and body.
Why is this so important?
Remember this key truth the human body is purely designed for survival. Survival means belonging, which equates to familiarity. From birth to adulthood, you record events and behaviors that form the foundation of all your life experiences. As the title of the well-known book by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk states, The Body Keeps the Score. This foundation that lives in your mind-body defines what feels familiar—without coding it as good or bad. The coding has been, I am alive and I get to live another day.
Your survival system, drives your reactions and behaviors in stressful moments. It does not care if a habit is good or bad and it does not remember that you desperately want to change—it opts for the quickest fix to respond quickly based on past similar responses that kept you safe. It does not think how the future could be different in the moment, unless you consciously decide to do this repeatedly.
We live a modern lifestyle which is rapidly changing with technology, and this can elevate your underlying stress levels. Have you ever gone to the mountains, desert or spent a prolonged period of time in nature and immediately noticed the peaceful, grounding shift in energy? I’d argue this state is one of the best times to begin changing your story.
Before you create a new habit or upgrade your life, you need to create a new identity— and that means closing the old one. Your environment, behaviors, thoughts, skills, and desires all reflect who you believe you are.
Are you ready to change?
How to Close Old Stories Blocking Success
To build a new identity, you first need to let go of the old. This means addressing unfinished loops— those nagging habits, beliefs, or behaviors that no longer serve you.
Here’s an exercise to help you:
Go through 2024. Review your calendar, photos, and any highlights you’ve kept from the year.
Identify one event or behavioral pattern from 2024 that you want to leave behind.
Reflect on how it has impacted your life. Consider the situations where it has shown up, what it has caused for you, how it makes you feel, and what it makes you say about yourself. Ask yourself:
How does it help you?
What does it stop you from doing?
Is there anything you're afraid of, feel undeserving of, or believe you need to be ready for?
Finish these sentences:
I reject these old limitations in thinking and behavior because…
I choose to let this go because...
I thank this and have decided that this no longer defines me because I choose to...
Keep repeating step 4 until you’ve expressed everything you need to.
Now, take action to symbolize the closure:
Rip up the paper you’ve written on and throw it out.
If you like, close your eyes, hold the ripped paper in your hands, and say, “Thank you, this is over,” a few times. Repeat until you feel a sense of lightness. Then affirm, “I have decided to change now.”
By consciously closing these loops, you free up mental and emotional energy to focus on building your new habits and identity.
How New Identity and Habits are Formed for Success
To make lasting changes, you need a process that connects your actions to your goals, values, and identity. Here’s a high-level overview:
Define Your Goal and Supporting Values
Pick one main goal for 2025 (e.g., improving your health).
List three values that support this goal (e.g., vitality, discipline, self-respect).
Evaluate Your Behaviors in Every Environment
List all the physical and digital environments where you spend time, including time alone.
Identify the top three behaviors you currently exhibit in each of these environments.
Skills Assessment
Reflect: Do you currently have the skills needed to achieve this goal? If not, what skills do you need to develop?
Modeling Success
Consider someone whose lifestyle already reflects the goal you’re aiming for. Ask yourself:
What beliefs do they hold?
What is their attitude toward this area of life?
What are the top things they say or affirm to themselves?
Build New Habits by Intercepting Misaligned Ones
Use your insights from the steps above to create an action plan grounded in supportive beliefs and attitudes.
Start small: Commit to 1–3 new behaviors for 40 days.
Track your progress and celebrate small wins to stay motivated.
Anchor Your Identity
Write down what it sounds like when you’re fully committed to your goal. What would you say to yourself during both busy and quiet times?
Describe what it feels like to stay committed to your process, even during challenges.
Hold this description in your hands, place it at your heart, and take a moment to fully experience the process:
Waking up excited, energized and prioritizing the process.
Checking off your daily successes.
Navigating every situation with resilience and capturing it.
Bouncing up stronger after setbacks.
The last step can be done daily for 5 minutes before bed, by connecting to your actions, values, and identity to your goal, you’ll create a sustainable process that moves you closer to the life you want.
The Key Role of Integrity
Integrity means staying fully committed to what truly matters and letting go of distractions that don’t serve your purpose. It’s the ability to say no to the things that pull you away from your goals so you can give a full-hearted yes to what aligns with your values. How can you use integrity help you achieve your goals in 2025?
Take a moment to reflect:
If you were to think, speak, and act with integrity toward your 2025 goal, what would you stop doing?
What would you start doing to align your actions with your values and priorities?
Integrity isn’t about perfection—it’s about consistency and staying true to the path that will lead you to the person you want to become.
Conclusion: Embrace Your New Story
Your habits and identity aren’t fixed—they’re tools you can shape and refine. By closing old loops, aligning your goals with your values, and committing to small, consistent actions, you can achieve success in 2025.
Start today by asking yourself:
What is one habit or belief I’m ready to leave behind?
What small action can I take to start building the person I want to become?
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